


Forever Probably

by Yourking



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, Barebacking, Bottom Sirius Black, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex, Pet Names, Top Remus Lupin, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 02:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6311455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yourking/pseuds/Yourking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first fic! </p><p>Basically Sirius has an anxiety attack after he does something that made James mad and Remus used physical contact to calm him down. Once he's calm Sirius decides he really does not want Remus to leave his lap like ever and then sex happens yay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever Probably

Sirius closed his eyes, pressing his palms against them, he could feel the world getting smaller around him as the voices in his head got to loud to bear. 

"How could you do that to your dear friend? Why would you do something so foolish? You'll lose him this time for sure." The voices combined together to just one, his mother's. "I always knew you weren't good for anything at all." Over and over, louder and louder, building until it was deafening. 

Sirius felt a pair of hands wrap around his wrists and a warm weight lower onto his lap and was surrounded by the smells of chocolate and old books, and that hint of cinnamon he could never figure out the source of, he breathed it in deeply and felt it clear his head just a little bit. 

"Sirius, Sirius you need to look at me now, okay?" Remus murmured against his hair, "Can you do that for me?" 

Sirius slowly opened his eyes and looked up into Remus's and noticed how worried they looked. Why would they be worried? Why would anyone be worried about him? Damn it he wasn't worth anyone's concern, he was a failure and he was just going to lose Remus just like everyone else he knew. He was going to wind up hating him just like everyone else. And it was going to break Sirius into tiny little pieces when he did. 

Sirius leaned forward against Remus's chest and wrapped his arms tightly around it, "please don't leave me, Remus! You can't leave me, I can't lose you to, I can't! I can't handle it, Remus, please, please don't.." He was practically sobbing against his chest, and he could feel him pulling away from him. 

Remus leaned back, pulling himself to a position where Sirius would be able to see him, and hand on his upper arm and the other on the back of his neck like a kitten, trying to get him to tilt his head back to look him in the eye, "hey, hey, Sirius, I'm not leaving you and James isn't going to either, he's just upset, he'll have forgiven you by dinner I swear. Sirius, I need you to look at me again." He paused, waiting until gray eyes met his again, it took a few seconds but then there they were, he gave Sirius a gentle smile, "there you are. Look, neither of us are going to leave you okay? You're never going to be rid of us, I promise. You're going to settle down with some bird and the two of us are going to be in your hair constantly, I swear to Merlin we'll be driving you crazy and arguing with you for the rest of your life okay? James is going to marry that Evans girl he's so in love with and I'll-I'll be there too okay? Every Sunday dinner and every Thursday for Movie Night and all that forever okay?" 

Sirius gave him a little half smile at Remus's promise to drive him crazy for the rest of his life, before realizing the rest of what Remus had said. "What if I don't want just some bird?" He mumbled it, looking down at Remus's chest again. At some point his hands had dropped down to Remus's thighs and he slowly moved his fingers around the outside of them in little circles, stroking the soft fabric of the pajama pants he was still wearing. 

"I'm sure she'll be lov- wait you mean? Oh! Well then some bloke I suppose. Still the same point though. You'll never be rid of us, you know that right?" 

Sirius looked down from Remus's bare chest at his fingers and realized the position they were in, Remus sitting on his lap facing him and Sirius's legs crossed in front of him on the bed, his head resting against Remus's bare collar bone, and felt his cheeks grow pink. He wouldn't stay if he knew, he reminded himself. 

"If I knew what?" Remus asked softly. Sirius looked up in surprise, he hadn't realized he had spoken out loud and didn't know how to explain himself without telling Remus his secret, the only one left he hadn't shared with any of his friends and the last secret he would ever want Remus to know. When had their faces gotten so close together? Why was Remus giving him that look? That soft, affectionate look, like Sirius was something precious? Sirius really needed to get them out of this amazing position they were in before Remus got a very firm reason to suspect, but Remus's lips looked so nice from here, soft and inviting, and-

"Uh Sirius?" He realized it had been to long now and then a second later realized something else. Remus was staring at his lips the way he imagined he had been a moment ago and suddenly seemed very pink. "I should probably uh-" Remus started to move off his lap, the movement making alarms go off in Sirius's head. Alarms that really did not want Remus to leave. 

Fuck it. Sirius's hands tightened around Remus's thighs, pulling him closer as Sirius finally leaned forward to get that taste of his lips he had been daydreaming about increasingly often lately, putting everything he felt into the kiss. At least he would get to feel those lips on his before Remus left him like everyone else. 

Sirius had not been expecting those strong hands to return to their previous positions, or for Remus to lean forward and kiss him back after a soft gasp of surprise. And he definitely was not expecting Remus to push him back against the pillows and press down against him in a way that forced a moan from Sirius throat. Remus bit his lip once before leaning back a few inches. 

"Yeah?" Remus asked him, not in his mind enough to bother with a full sentence, both of them panting like they had been running after what was only about five seconds of snogging. 

Sirius nodded at him, "yeah." He resisted the urge to lean forward for another taste. Apparently they were talking now. 

"Huh. How long?" Remus asked him, lips looking bruised red and begging to be kissed again. 

He laughed at that, "forever?" 

Remus gave him what had to be the biggest grin he had ever seen and Sirius wanted the moment to last forever. Maybe with more of the snogging though. That was pretty freaking great too. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the subject of them laughing, "yeah. Me to." Sirius stared at him, searching for a hint that he was lying, that it was all an elaborate joke, and finding none, pulled him back down for a second kiss. 

The second kiss was definitely more heated than the first had been, but the position didn't seem right to Sirius. He slid his hands up Remus's thighs to his hips and held them as he rolled the two of them over so that he was above his partner and still between his legs, using them to pull them together, leaving both of them gasping. 

Remus (who was definitely not the gentle thing Sirius had imagined him to be) released his mouth in favor of sucking marks into his neck and grabbed two nice handfuls of arse and pulled them together harder before sliding them up and under Sirius's shirt, pushing it towards his head, "off." He ordered. 

Sirius complied immediately, throwing it somewhere to his left where it sounded like it might have landed on James's bed before returning his hands to Remus's hips and sliding them just under the edge of his pajama bottoms. Remus who did not happen to be wearing any pants and at that exact moment bit down hard against the side of his neck.

He was definitely going to be covered in marks when they finally went downstairs (if Remus didn't kill him first by being so damn sexy) but the thought only turned him on more. Everyone was going to see that he, Sirius Black, the fuck up, who was vain and self centered and useless, was wanted, was claimed by the greatest person alive. He sucked a mark onto Remus's throat in return before nipping at his collar bone. 

"Do you want to-?" He asked, sliding his hands under Remus's ass. 

Remus didn't hesitate, "Merlin yes! Sirius Black if you don't fuck me I swear-" after that Sirius made quick work of his own trousers and pants before sliding Remus's down his legs, tossing them all onto the floor somewhere that didn't matter nearly as much as the way that Remus looked completely bare. 

Sirius sat for a moment memorizing the way that he looked, flushed and panting, with his light pink nipples and a flat stomach Sirius couldn't resist leaning forward to lick, Remus's cock standing almost straight up and brushing against his torso as he did, making Remus let out a whine at the contact. Sirius shushed him, leaning forward for another biting kiss before leaning back and focusing his attention on it, and it was lovely, just a touch thicker than average, red and leaking, with dark gold curls at the base trailing up his stomach. He leaned forward and gently licked the tip, pulling the head into his mouth at Remus's gasp, sucking and running the tip of his tongue along the slit to get a taste as he watched the reactions of the wizard below him before letting go, smiling at he whined a second time. 

Sirius hadn't imagined it that way but looking at it he wanted to ride Remus until they both came, gasping each other's names. "Remus can I ride you? Or did you want to-" he had to stop as he was dragged into another kiss. 

"Bloody hell Sirius, you're going to be the death of me." He panted out after he had released him, then leaned over off the bed looking for something. "Where the hell is that fucking wand? Damned thing. We'll just use yours." He dug around Sirius's trouser pockets before pulling out the fore mentioned object and passing it to Sirius. 

Sirius, who had completely blanked on the spell an older boy had taught him last year 'in case of emergency' (which he had said with a wink). 

"Uhh-" he stared down at the wand in his hand as Remus went back to marking up his neck. Which was really not helping, not that he was complaining as Remus sucked particularly hard at the base of his throat. "Merlin, I can't remember it!" He cursed to himself. 

"Just Remus works." Was laughed out against his collar bone, the hot breath driving him to distraction, which again, really wasn't helping, but then, the saint he was, well not saint because this definitely wasn't in any of the Sunday school lessons he had ever heard of, Remus gently pulled the wand from his hand, nipping at the closest skin before doing the charm himself. 

And then there surely must have been a god because there were fingers at his arse and they felt like heaven on earth as one pressed against him, "are you good?" Remus murmured against his throat, slowly circling with his finger, then sliding in when Sirius nodded, words lost to him. "Good." The finger in him was almost teasing in its gentleness as it slowly stretched him open enough for a second, already pressing against the outside, but waiting until Sirius pushed desperately back against it to enter, and then they scissored inside of him for a good minute before running along the inside, looking for something as Sirius sat over Remus unable to do anything but try and press his cock against whatever was closest, which happened to be Remus's, and Merlin that was good but not as good as when the fingers found what they were looking for. 

"Remus please- please I need you- Remus I'm ready-" Sirius couldn't stop babbling at Remus who just pressed kisses against his neck and told him he could wait just a little longer, couldn't he? He was doing so good already. And then there was a third and Sirius couldn't think anymore as they scissored inside of him and then pressed once more against that spot before leaving him so, so empty all of a sudden.

"Okay Love, are you ready now?" Remus asked him, leaning back to look him in the eye this time, pressing gently against his opening. Sirius nodded his consent enthusiastically, high on the feelings of Remus's skin against his and being called love in that voice. 

Remus slowly slid into him, and he had been right to make him wait as he was stretched just the perfect amount by it. Sirius sighed at the feeling when Remus bottomed out what felt like an eternity later and stopped to catch his breath and hold himself back from the edge at the feeling. 

Once he had adjusted Sirius remembered what he had wanted and leaned in for another kiss, biting at Remus's lip as he gently laid him back, his hands sliding to Remus's chest and teasing at his nipples for a moment before lifting himself up and lowering himself back down a few times, just to enjoy the feeling before he quickened the pace, within a couple minutes he was practically slamming down on Remus, who, unable to hold back anymore, thrust up to meet him, somehow catching against Sirius's prostate perfectly. "Remus I can't" Sirius gasped out, his thighs burning, before he could slow down he was on his back with Remus still inside of him, dragging his legs up to his shoulders and biting his chest one last time before whispering "my turn," with a wicked smile and fucking into him even harder than before. 

After a couple of minutes of this Sirius was close to the edge, barely holding himself back, "Re- I'm gonna- I'm so close Rem-" and then Remus was telling him it was okay, and to go ahead and come for him, he had him, and leaning over to kiss Sirius hard like he was claiming him, inside and out, and Sirius came hard, saying his name over and over again and scraping his nails down his back. 

Between the nails scratching down his back and Sirius tightening around him, Remus was coming a second after him, yelling Sirius's name as he did. 

When they both had come down Sirius found himself laying on his side looking at Remus's face, more relaxed and happy than Sirius had ever seen him, an arm draped across his side, fingers tracing words on his back, and his own arms pressed between both of their chests, theirs legs tangled together under the blanket, he wasn't really sure how it had got there but it didn't matter right now. Sirius could hardly bring himself to believe this was his. "Hey."

"Hello love." Remus smiled back at him. Sirius felt another bubble of happiness in his chest at the pet name. 

"That was great." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so too." There was a pause after this for about a minute. Sirius's fingers found their way to Remus's cheek, trailing gently across it as he leaned into the touch. 

"I'm going to have to keep you now you know." They were smiling at each other like idiots at this point, and the world outside their bed seemed soft and fuzzy and unimportant. 

"Well you're not going to get an argument out of me." Remus laughed, pressing a gentle kiss against his lips. 

"Oh good." Sirius leaned in for another since he could. He was planning on doing that a lot more now that he was allowed to. 

-meanwhile in the common room-

"Peter? They've been up there a while and Sirius's parents are such awful people, what if he thinks I hate him?" 

"Remus won't let him." Peter hadn't even looked up from his essay when James had started pacing about twenty minutes ago, but it was due in half an hour so that was kind of understandable, besides it wasn't the first time this had happened. 

"Maybe I should go check on him." 

"I'm sure Remus has him, he's good at that right?" 

"Yeah I suppose. I'll tell him at lunch. It can wait a couple hours right? I don't want to make it worse by interrupting them... But it is important so I should just go do it right?" James was growing increasingly worried. 

"Ha! Done!" Peter lifted up his paper, catching a glimpse of the clock as he looked up, "no!" He leaped up, shoving the completed essay into his bag and grabbing James by the sleeve, and dragging him towards the portrait "breakfast is almost over! We have to go now James!" He found himself being dragged out of Gryffindor tower by his small but surprisingly strong friend. Which was of course lucky for James because otherwise he would have seen a lot more of his two best friends than he wanted to. 

-later-

The two of them didn't emerge until lunchtime, missing their morning classes, not that either seemed to care. James apologized immediately upon their arrival before really noticing how they looked. 

Remus looked the better of the two surprisingly. His clothes perfectly straight (unlike him haha) and his hair it's normal state of slightly messed and only a single light hickey peeking out of his shirt collar. James didn't notice the way his lips were red from rough kisses or the slight pink on his cheeks. Sirius on the other hand hadn't been able to convince his hair to look any less than, "we just snogged in the broom closet" (they actually had but that's not the point) and his clothes seemed to agree, shirt half tucked and tie loose, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, showing what had to be about a dozen hickeys. Oh and of course the slight limp. With all that and the way they were glancing at each other and smiling throughout the whole of lunch it really wasn't hard for James to guess what had happened. That and the way they were holding hands not so subtly under the table. 

"So you guys finally did it. Peter owes me a galleon." James said loudly, getting the attention of about half a dozen people outside the four of them. 

Remus's eyes snapped from Sirius's to the young seekers. "What?! No we-" Was all he got out before his new boyfriend interrupted. 

"Why the bloody hell were you betting on us?" His annoyance was ended by his realization that that was James's way of accepting them though, and his arm found its way across Remus's back, happy that they could be a couple in front of their friends. 

James just laughed at his friends' surprise. "As long as you two stay off my bed, okay?" 

A smirk that almost had Sirius dragging him back upstairs, or at least back to the broom closet, found its way across Remus's face as he leaned against him. "Where do you think we did it?" He winked and pressed a kiss against the side of his boyfriend's neck.

"OH MY GOD SAY YOU DIDNT!? PETER YOU HAVE TO TRADE BEDS WITH WITH ME! PETER STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" 

Peter set a coin down on the table in front of him laughing, "there's your prize, winner!" 

And exactly two years later, on the night Sirius asks Remus to marry him, Remus would say yes, and they would spent the night remembering stories of school, and Sirius would tell him with a laugh, "I was half hard from you kissing on my neck and I knew that someday I'd marry you." And they'd get married in the late afternoon in September, surrounded by red and orange and yellow leaves, saying their vows as the sky turned colors above them, and their first dance would be under the night sky lit by fairy lights, and they'd know that yes there was a war going on around them but that didn't matter as much as this moment.

**Author's Note:**

> I looked back at this fic months after I wrote it and oh god why please don't judge me this is kind of awful 
> 
> -Raz


End file.
